Lazy is as lazy does.
We’re sure that this e-card is perfect in the hands of that person who does nothing all day but makes sure to complain about it every step of the way. If you don’t understand this card then just hold your breath for as long as you can, you’ll get it sooner or later.
Lazy is as lazy does
Never been this old before.
Every day that you live you are as old as you’ve ever been and as young as you’ll ever be. Isn’t that something to try and wrap your head around? If you know someone that is stressing about their age then pass this card right in their direction. Sure, it won’t help them feel any better but you’ll probably get a laugh out of their reaction. There’s gotta be some kind of value in that, right?
Never been this old before
Slap, Slap.
In a battle of vanity who really wins? We’re not sure but this card will definitely give you a leg up on your competition. This E-Card, replete with some wonderful artwork, is perfect for the person who is always trying to one up you at everything you talk about. “Oh, you started training at your new job? Well, I just got a promotion to a harder position. Let’s talk about me.” Yeah, let’s slap the sass right outta their mouth.
Slap, Slap
Well, when you put it that way.
We’re told to never judge someone until we’ve walked a mile in their shoes. We feel like this card got the superficial reasoning behind that logic but it didn’t go all of the way there in spirit. To be fair, they did try to see things a different way but, well, the other way was stupid. Send this to your buddy who keeps trying to convince you that one of his big dogs could beat a lion in a one on one fight. That’s not how the Animal Kingdom works, that’s not how anything works.
Well, when you put it that way
Let me tell you everything.
Is there anything more absolutely awful than someone getting great news and summarily forcing you to relive every detail with them? Sure, it may be the biggest day of your life but we aren’t the ones getting married so let’s change the subject. Has the internet made us this conceited or was it something buried deep down, just waiting for the anonymity of an E-Card to be brought out? Bah, who cares — thinking is hard. We aren’t some little pooch in those tough dog training schools, so we’ll continue being conceited and refuse to learn.
Let me tell you everything
The merits of honesty on display.
Is there any greater facet to life than truth? Tact, maybe. Bring a little bit of the Grinch out during your next Christmas get together and ensure that you alienate at least one person that you could otherwise have given a nice gesture too. After all they aren’t your Secret Santa so you’ll still probably score a sweet gift. They’ll be left empty handed on Christmas, however, but that’s not that sad. Right? Are we terrible people?
The merits of honesty on display
He aint worth much.
George Washington may be one of the most revered political figures in American history but that doesn’t mean you want a wallet full of bills with his face on them. Nothing makes us grimace more than seeing a George Washington face when we really want to be reaching for a handful of Andrew Jackson. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?
He aint worth much
You stink.
You’ve been searching for a tactful way to tell your co-worker that they have the armpit stench of a Great Dane that just rolled in garbage but so far you’ve come up with nothing. How do you really tell someone that their mere odor is offputing? Why, by sending them a salmon colored E-Card with fancy people on it nestled beside some really long words! Sure, if they end up looking up the word ‘glandular’ you may get a phone call from HR but that’s just the price we pay for a scathing, barb filled E-Card that just nails what we’re looking for.
You stink
Take ’em away, Lou.
Note to self: don’t get into a situation where you need to give this E-Card to any actual police officer. However, if you have to get caught being drunk in public you might as well have one of these bad boys printed off and in your pocket ready to go. You know, now that we think about it we can’t remember a lick of cursive and that’s probably the point of this E-Card.
Take ’em away, Lou
It was a compliment, really.
Physical touch can be a gift to someone you really care about. Physical touch can also be a message, loud and clear, to someone who is annoying you. While hitting someone over the head with a chair might be okay in professional wrestling you should probably just stick to passing this card out instead. You don’t want police officers to get involved, they always get the 3 count — no kick outs.
It was a compliment, really
Uhm, thanks.
If ever you needed to take down a social media drama Queen/King then this card is the perfect weapon for the job. You ever notice that the people who are always ranting and raving on Facebook always have like 7,000 friends even though you never see them hanging out with anyone. Remind them that their existence is sad and that they should feel bad with this delightful card.
Uhm, thanks
More questions than answers.
To be honest we’re not sure what situation you would want to use this card in. Why are you fighting against Navy SEALS? Are you American? Are you planning on going to war? Why is that man hugging the small of her back? How does his mustache stay up like that (no, really)? If you want to throw someone for a loop this card will probably do the job. Just be careful, dropping “I Love You” is a big step — even if you use them as a human shield later.
More questions than answers
You hear that, Beijing?
So, if you are an ex-pat or merely visiting China then you should know that the country’s government is rather, well, attuned to the goings on of its inhabitants. If you want to get a chuckle out of the Chinese version of the NSA, who are likely reading this right now, then send this card along. For a moment we’re sure it’ll surprise them from snooping on you but then they’ll laugh and continue spying on you. Oh, it is fun to have our rights privacy rights violated. Wait, they don’t have those in China?
You hear that, Beijing?
Walks like a duck, talks like a duck…
The best way to get to the crux of a conversation is by being completely blunt and honest. Hide nothing back and say every last word that is in your head. When they obviously get offended at you for saying terrible, terrible things then just send them this card. It’s like a get out of jail free card. Kind of. Except not really.
Walks like a duck, talks like a duck
Erm, that’s nice of you.
Do you ever feel like doing something nice but then you remember that you’re kind of a lazy jerk? Send this card out to save time after your friends bail you out of jail, donate their kidney, or save you from the murderous rampage of a wild boar.
Erm, that’s nice of you
